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We've been around women for almost our lives. Yet, there are many things about them that we just can't understand. Here we uncover a woman's most intriguing mysteries.
 I've always been bothered by the fact that men and women are so different. Men just can't understand them, and however much we try to figure out why women do what they do, it's just impossible. Right from the time I was born, and a pig tailed girl pulled my bare winky and asked my mum what it was, I knew women were mysterious and weird. And I guessed I'd love them one day when I'm old enough to walk on my own. I guess I realised that when I was still a little prat, maybe because my butt cheeks got red when she pulled my little buddy, or maybe I just felt really lucky to have received a hand job when I was still a few months old!
Many years have passed since that incident, and I have learnt a lot more about the mysterious habits of women. Men and women belong to the same planet, and we exist to bond with each other, and yet, we are as different as we could possibly be. We don't see these differences in other species, and that's what perplexes us. I mean, seriously, have you come across a cow that moos in a girly voice to a bull who grunts back with a masculine moo? Nope, nor have we seen womanly jugs on a cow. Or we really wouldn't think too much about women only, would we?! But look at us men, we're pretty much like the prototype with just one uncut appendage, and no boobs. We don't have swaying hips or swelling chests. Thank God for that. But seriously, don't you ever wonder about why women and men are so different? And have you ever thought about a few stupid things that they do, and wondered why they do that in the first place? You think it's because of PMS or some weird kind of temporary insanity? Nope, it's not. It's just because we were meant to play an interesting game of 'Opposites-Attract'. And really, don't men and women play the attraction and pulling each-other game well. You pull hers and she pulls yours. But then, there are a few aspects of women that are just way too complicated to understand. And here, I enlighten you on them.
Why do women go to the loo In pairs?
The biggest question on a man's mind, what the heck happens in a girls' toilet? Women's bladders fill up at the same time, and are in sync with each other. And that's why they have to go to the loo together. Or that's what you thought. On a basic level, women use the loo together because... it's a lot more fun! The walk to the loo, especially with so many guys around is embarassing, and having a girly friend to hold on to, gives the women the courage to behave like a class act. They don't have to reveal how awkward they feel about walking to empty their bladders. And another thing that they do is gossip, rant, rave and bitch about the people outside the loo. They talk about which guy is cute and which guy is hitting on which girl, etc., etc., and etc. But unknown to the women themselves, this ritual is evolutionary. Women have always hung out together since thousands of years. While the men have been hunting in the wild, the women have been foraging in the bushes for berries and little nick-knacks. And when a prehistoric woman has to pee, the other women used to stand guard, just in case a wild saber tooth came by. And ripping back to the present at warp speed, I think they go together in pairs because they get scared easily. What if there was a power cut, or no toilet paper, or an earthquake, or a jammed door knob?! I really don't know what another girl in the loo could do in times like these, but if women believe that's a help, so be it.
Why do they like cuddling other girls?
Awww... don't women look so cute when they do that? Most men melt each time a bunch of women giggle while holding each other's hands. They kiss, cuddle, molest, and hold each other when they huddle together. And men love that! But why do women really have to be so touchy feely about everything? That's because women have a more intense need for connection than men can understand. When men and women were still boys and girls, the boys were pumped in with testosterone while the women were given doses of sugar, spice, and everything nice, along with estrogen and oxytocin, by their body. This caused a weird imbalance and created the rift between the minds of teenage boys and girls. So blame your own brains if you can't understand the women in your life.
Men have a lot more testosterone than women do, and this increase causes them to be much more physical than emotional in solving problems. You've had a break-up, your buddies slam your back and forcefully drag you to the nearest beer hole. You and your pals get surly and burly, sit down quietly and gulp your beer. The other men around you know that one of you have had a shitty day. In a woman's world, you'd hear a girl tell another, "Hey... you've had a bad day? Come here, give me a hug. Let me kiss and cheer you up." Blame this mystery on estrogen. You'd never know what it feels like to hug another guy, cuddle up and feel happy. So don't bother trying to figure this out.
Why do women expect you to pay the check all the time?
 Well, sir, this trend is changing at a fast pace. Just the other day, I saw a couple at the other table, while I was dining at a fancy restaurant. I was with a date, enjoying a good dinner, and corking it all up with a Linzertorte while she indulged in a 'Caramel Oranges in Grand Mamier'. That's some top end desserts, so drool. The couple in the next table too were done and the bill was on the table. The man moved his hand with quivering accuracy, while the girl just looked at him appraisingly. A second passed and the woman's hand lunged ahead and she took the bill, and said "Please let me get the cheque this time". Now that was sweet. She saved him a couple of grand, and she's just too nice. But then, with that bill, the man had lost his manliness, and she actually gained a few pounds of feminism!
Blame it on history, where women hardly had a sniff of money, and men and the MCP troupe had everything in their pockets. But even to this day, a woman feels nice and taken care of, when her man gets the cheque, almost all the time. Taking them out to good dinners and romantic outings (where you splurge) shows that you're ready to offer your woman the high status, and all the pampering that comes along with it. So follow the tradition and she'll thank you with good love, good sex and great affection and care.
On the other hand, dude, you'd look cheap if you can't get the cheque. There are other men who fancy your woman, and the second they see her getting the cheque instead of you, you'd be labelled a loser. And you'd just lose your confidence. So if you're close enough to your woman, accept a bit of dough from your girl before you leave your place, so you can foot the entire bill at the restaurant. Your woman seriously wouldn't mind sharing the bill beforehand, and that sure is a sign of true love. So if you want to feel like a man, pay the bill, even if it isn't your money! And don't ask me stupid questions.
Why do women ask if you think another woman is attractive?
You know why? Because they can't read your blasted mind, that's why. Now if a guy friend told you he was stronger, what would you do? You'd say no, and you'd pull a table in between both of you, and you'd arm wrestle until you were a clear winner. Women can't just walk up to a girl who looks pretty good and say' I look better', because they aren't quite sure of it themselves. Nor can they arm wrestle, because they suck at that. Trust me, ask a girl to arm wrestle and see how stupid they look!
So how do they know if they are more attractive than the others? Simple, they ask their men. Women ask their men about other attractive women if they are on two ends of the love-meter. They're either really secure in the relationship, or if they are so insecure they'd cry if you waved at your own good looking cousin from across the street! Women need constant reassurance about their looks. They feel better when you let them know that they look gorgeous, and better than any other girl in the room. Surprisingly, women too, are extremely competitive and they want to please their men and keep them happy. The best way out of these questions is not an "I think she looks sad!", but something along the lines of "Why should I bother looking at another woman when I'm around you?! I'd rather talk about how hot you are!"
Why do women expect you to read their minds?
Women do this all the time. It's a beautiful day, you meet your lady and the both of you decide to go watch a movie. On the way to the movie, she coos into your ear and tells you she feels like having an ice cream from Baskin Robbins after the movie. You're fine with the idea. The movie is great and the both of you just hang out and have a nice time. You drive around town and head to Coffee Day. You see that your girl is a bit preoccupied about something. You ask her, and she shrugs it off by saying "Nope, I'm fine..." By the end of the date, you see that she's totally pissed off! And she still says "Nope, I'm fine..." She doesn't speak to you the whole night and the next day.
Two days later, you wonder what the hell has happened and you confront her. You're pissed off and so is she. She knows why she's pissed off, but she just won't tell. Somehow, your anger turns into mush, and you beg and plead her to tell you why she's upset. Eventually she'll start off with her tale of woe. "... remember we went to watch Shrek the Third the other day..." Yup, you remember that. "I told you so many times that I wanted to have an ice cream at Baskin Robbins but you didn't take me there. You just don't remember what I say anymore and that's so pissing off. You do this all the time," she says. Seriously boy, don't ram your head against the wall. Women are just that... they're women. Now really, do you even remember talking about the ice cream?
Nope. And why the hell couldn't she just tell you she wanted to go and have ice cream in the first place?
That's because she's a woman, and women always have to do crazy things. And they want men to read their minds! It's not easy to read a woman's mind, but when you are able to read it, it's like hitting a bull's-eye. Women just assume that you have to know their needs because the both of you are so close. But don't worry, women also drop a lot of hints, now and then. So remember, if she says "That dress looks nice", it means she wants it. Or if she says "That movie is going to be good", it means she wants to watch it. If she says "That guy is so hot", it doesn't mean she wants to break up with you ... I guess. Man, women sure are confusing!
Why do they jump when they see insects?
 Why? Because they can! And because they look cute when they jump. Women look cute doing anything at all, don't they? Let's think of this from the woman's point of view. Insects are creepy and crawly. Tbey move around in zigzag patterns and you can't really predict what they can do to you. They may have a sting, or they just look really ugly. To a man, it's really no big deal. To a woman it is. And it's quite ironic on your part, isn't it? I mean, really, you want your girl to look at your prick and say, "Omigosh, that's so big and scary!" when it's actually not that big. But on the other hand you want her to look at a rat and sit like a china doll. Now, you're asking her to be a filthy hypocrite!
Women are just afraid of what it can do to them. They think it can crawl into a few crevices or they assume that they want to bite a chunk off their beautiful feet. But thanks to insects, men can look like real heroes now and then. An insect is at times, a man's best friend. And you really have to consider yourself lucky if your new girlfriend finds a wasp's nest in her bathroom. There she is, all wet and naked, and you run into the loo to save her from the menace of the wasp hordes. That's just one of the few ways to play 'saviour' when she finds a wasp's nest near the bath tub. Sbe'll love you when you rescue her, even though she's literally naked in the bath tub (which I'm sure you'd like) and she'd say "Oooh, my hero" and invite you in for a relaxing 'massage in the tub'. Now ask yourself, do you still find the fact that she's afraid of insects annoying? I think not.
Why do they want to hook up to their friends with your friends?
When your sweetie loves you, she assumes that even your friends are really sweet and nice. Now you know why girls end up sleeping with your best friends, but that's another story. The match making impulse in women is not just about double dates and swapping! It's actually an evolutionary part of mankind that has made women this way. Women have always been the social glue that has held the society together. It's the women who stop arguments and it's them who wanted a plush couch when you were happy over a pile of dirty straw on the cold floor of your prehistoric cave.
Women love making things look and feel better. If they know they have a friend who's single and that you have a friend who's single, they just assume that they need each other to feel happier. It doesn't matter to them whether they work out or not, but it just makes them happy to realise that they've brought more love into this world. If you're wise, you'll stay out of this hook-up game for your own good.
Why do women feel awkward about standing naked?
I'm quite surprised about this myself. But women do feel pretty awkward about standing around naked. Well, we do have those women who just love getting their clothes off all the time, but most women do feel awkward, especially around their men. Even if a girl is stunning and looks so fab you could die right there, she'd still clutch a towel and try hiding as much of her assets as possible. Most women just aren't confident about their own bodies. Even a bit of fat on their thighs can make them push the panic button.
Now let's not embarrass women. They look really beautiful and all that. But let's just put ourselves into their bodies for a day. Women have two heaving mounds that pull their chest down and they've got pretty much nothing that looks like men in their pants. We men have a hard time controlling a small prick that can pretty much be hidden out of sight, so just imagine how hard it is for a woman to try hiding herself when she has to control two jugs that have a life of their own. And to beat that, there's all the cookies and cream, the strawberries and cream, and everything sweet that's shifted down to their waist or butt. We really don't mind that one bit, but somehow women think we judge them by that teeny weenie bit of fat. But once you can get your lady love to be comfortable around you, she'll slowly open up and someday, she'll stop feeling so awkward when she's naked around you. But you know what, sometimes you'd never live to see that day!
There you have it, men. That's almost all the mysteries of women that had bothered me so much, for so long, that I had to go away to the jungles of Amazon, just to look within and learn the truth about women and why they are so damn different from us men. But now that I really know why they're so different, I still can't figure out if this knowledge changed my life anyways. All I know for sure is that I've wasted a few years of my life, in the hope of understanding something that really doesn't make a difference to the world of men and women.
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